Television and North America Ruin Weddings

In the last 3 years I have been involved in three weddings, including my own. Being directly involved in two of them, I have come to see the ugly weeds that can sprout quickly and viciously in the midst of a beautiful thing.

My best friend was engaged first, in May of 2011, to her common-law boyfriend of 5 years, and I was very happy for her since it was something she’d always wanted. She’d asked me to be her maid of honor, for which I was initially excited, then realized all the responsibility that came with the title. (I got married just over a month before her so I ended up being the matron of honor.)

Then ensued all the “wedding shopping” for which it was my “responsibility” to attend. All of it. She just got married July 27, 2013 (over a week ago) and in that 2.3 years I attended two Bridal Fantasy fairs, and multiple dress shops, and however many fittings, you name it. Bridal Fantasy for me was just a lavish, over-the-top poster of what a North American wedding should look like. Limos, limo-buses, high-end $1200 DJ’s with smoke machines, expensive macaroons, and plastic looking cakes (that when sampled certainly tasted that way). Booths with wedding table settings and centerpieces created out of what looked like half a tree and draped with everything glitter and diamonds. Walking out of that place I was only left with the thought of “how can anyone even afford a wedding when these are the expectations?”

When you google the average cost of a wedding in North America, $26,000 is the number that appears!! No wonder many people live common-law with the way cost of living has gone up coupled with the expectation that you’re going to need between $19,000 and $32,000 in order to have “the perfect day”. And that number does not include the honeymoon.

My second beef with weddings in our country is how we tell brides they are allowed to act. Not directly, but through media, celebrity weddings, and television shows that are all about overspending, air-headed, snotty bridezilla’s. Constantly you hear brides are told “Honey, this is YOUR day” and “Today is about you” which leaves pedesteled brides resorting to the generally tearful phrase “but this is supposed to be about me!”…which frankly is a poor albeit selfish way of dealing with the bride not getting her way.

Pardon me, but it does read in Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” It doesn’t say this is the day the Lord made FOR YOU. It also says in Psalm 24:1 “The earth is the Lord’s, and all it’s fullness. The world and those who dwell therein.”
We are so easily bombarded by the world’s ideas that somehow you are OWED the day of your wedding (and those leading up to it) and everyone must wait on you hand and foot. Some brides seem to think that their friends lives should stop and come second to the brides wedding. When I requested to my best friend if I could please do my own hair for her wedding to save $100 (after I’d already spent $1000 to be in her wedding), she told me the other bridesmaids had also dropped out of their expensive hair appointments. Then she said “everyone had two years to plan for this.”

Come on, lady. I love you to death, but why turn to absurd statements like that.

She did pretty well for a bride under much stress. A few points throughout the day before and the day of the wedding she did have a few snapping moments, which when addressed, she would say “I’m allowed my one bridezilla moment.”

Now, I’m not blaming her for any of this. Truthfully, I have sat and watched TLC for hours, all the wedding shows they have available. From Rich Bride, Poor Bride to Say Yes to the Dress, and even Bridezillas. The attitude and actions of most brides on these shows is atrocious, and that’s an understatement. How can you tell a bride to be nicer when she’s been shown time after time this type of behavior is allowed and even excused for?

Where is there posts on the internet and magazines that talk about being a UNDERSTANDING, GRATEFUL, and KIND bride, one who carries herself with grace and is humble before others and before the Lord? Well certainly being a beautiful bride from the INSIDE and out does not make good television.

I was humbled by my own family and friends at my wedding about seven weeks ago. My grandfather fell ill 9 days before the wedding, while I was out of town at work. I came back 4 days before the wedding, and my whole family was constantly at the hospital, leaving me to do almost all of the leg work myself. My husband tells me that the only thing I complained about when I called him sobbing at night those 3 days was NOT that no one was helping me or that there wasn’t time to get the ceremony programs done, but that I did not have the time to stay all day long with my grandpa, only a few hours here or there.

He died the morning before the wedding while I was at the spa getting a body polish and my gel nails.

My mom and her side of the family (three boys, two girls) were all making the food for my wedding, and in the midst of everything they lost their father, and still gave to me and my husband from the bottom of their hearts.

Our wedding was on Father’s Day and there was no room for selfishness or pride. How could there be when there was so much love, which is SO much more important than if the centerpieces look perfect.

During the signing of our marriage license, we played “Nothing Compares” by Third Day. “Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you, Lord”. Not even a wedding day compares to the joy and the love we will experience when we get to be with Jesus.

And I hope more brides focus on this instead.

West Coast Trail: Day 1

Pre-Game:

It was an early morning rising from our married friends’ place in Chemainus in order to be driven to Port Renfrew. I begged for one last stop at Tim Hortons because it was imperative I have one more good taste of alertness before plunging into oblivion, and we were on our way.  The little Toyota Camry fared well on the logging roads as we made progress, but a good number of logging trucks on the road were aggressive on corners with full loads. Normal to me, worrisome perhaps for other passengers.
We used the bathroom at the campground (where I stole an unidentified amount of toilet paper), said goodbyes to our lovely friend, and in we went to our orientation.
The Parks Canada official took our $32 each to pay for the ferries during the hike. Three older guys came in after us, two young guys were leaving the trail on the bus, and apparently they were expecting two more people to start but they didn’t show. We and the three guys started the orientation complete with slideshow the PC official headed up. Side note: I don’t do well during orientations. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve worked oilfield and you get orientated 30 times a season and it’s all the same stuff, therefore you acquire the acute ability to tune out. She was French as well, which is all fine and dandy, but she bashed Harper a bit, which always puts me off, and didn’t aid her in keeping my attention.  She also said something about girls having a harder time on the trail keeping warm or something to that extent. LISTEN LADY, WE HIKED 43 KM IN 3 DAYS OVER A FLIPPIN’ GLACIER ON THE SKYLINE TRAIL IN RUNNING SHOES, A BACKPACK FROM 1981, AND ZERO WATERPROOF GEAR OR A JACKET…IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT WAS A HORRIBLE, DEBILITATING AND UNPREPARED JOURNEY, I THINK WE CAN HANDLE A 7 DAY WALK ON THE BEACH. I brought actual hiking shoes this time.

“Now between Km (blah) and km (blah) there is no camping because of a very active food-conditioned black bear, and you can’t camp at the campground called (blah blah) because there’s no water between Km (blah) and Km (blah) therefore you need to go all the way to campground (blah blah blah)…”

Snore. I’m already bored. This feels like too much to remember. I half-listened and marked X’s on some parts, drew lines on my map, and wrote a schedule time on a part for which later I could not remember why.  Clearly I am the youngest of my group.

Once orientation was complete, we hopped on the 2-minute ferry ride across to the starting point. The three men wanted a picture of them starting the trail with their camera, and they took one of us with theirs. There was a comment about what their wives would ask about who took the picture we heard, and it was a good laugh.

Day 1: Gordon River -> Thrasher Cove = 6km

Well, after Skyline Trail we learned our lesson that the pace needed to be set by the slowest hiker so as not to incur injury to her. Standing at 5’3”, I definitely have some small steps going. The trail was covered in roots and started with some good incline, but I was comforted by Erika, who knew everything about the trail, that on this first day we would be hitting the highest elevation today and then it wouldn’t be so bad. I had both poles out, and Bonnie started with a pole as well, but soon after put it away. Erika has mile long legs, so no poled were necessary. Injuring my hip flexor via Skyline has left me pretty afraid to hurt it again, so the poles the first day definitely helped me get up some steep steps. At one point in time the trail disappeared into a rock face that stood in the way, and had a jagged crack running up and over it. The guys footprints stopped at the rock face…they must have gone up. So crawl up and over it we went. We also had a taste of some of the ladders on the trail. They weren’t so bad…but this was also the first day.

The trail was very dry. Apparently they had not had any rain since sometime in August, and here it was the 12th of September. We stopped and ate lunch at the donkey engine a ways into hiking. Today would be the only day I really enjoyed the taste of the power bar, beef jerky, and trail mix. Conversation between my two friends consisted of sports bras and uniboobs, but I had no input because I cared what mine looked like and brought only Lu Lu Lemon “Ta Ta Tamers” to hike in.

The first guy we passed on the trail said we smelled nice, but that’s because we had only been hiking an hour at that point. He said that’s what people had said to him when he first started, but that we shouldn’t get too close. Erika said she could smell the jasmine in my hair that would definitely not smell as nice a few days in. We passed MANY an attractive man hiking alone, and one point I heard Erika ahead of me say “how many men did we pass?” and I shouted “THREE!!!” loudly from the back. Clearly not only am I the youngest, but also the unmarried one of us three women.

We made it to the first campsite, Thrasher Cove around 5pm I believe. We started after our orientation at 1030-11am, so we had done about a km/hour. Legs were a bit sore, limping and stiffness were a little more pronounced in Bonnie and I. Erika and Bonnie then went to go visit the three  husbands who had gotten here before us starting a fire, but I took an ibuprofen for an unbelievable headache I’d developed that day, and was curled up in the sand half-napping.

We cooked our dinner, a Backpackers Country “Pad Thai” meal and mixed it with a “Sweet Thai Chili” sidekick. Packing up the food for the bear locker, I discovered cat food in Erika’s stuff. I inquired why, and the answer was that’d we’d eat it. I loudly opposed this idea grossed out by the thought, whether or not it was just dehydrated chicken breast, the fact that it came in a cat food bag made me gag. “Just don’t tell me when you are going to add it to one of our meals. It’s better I not know”. The Pad Thai fed us enough, and we washed our dishes with gritty sand in the ocean. As the sun began to set, we made our way over to the guys’ fire after setting up our tent and sleeping stuff. It would be the first of many fires with them.

We will call them “G”, “J”, and “T”. They were very welcoming with us, but we forgot to find some firewood to contribute. “J” was the one we’d heard shouting ahead of us on the trail, the line from a Ramones song, “Hey, Ho…Let’s Go!” in order to keep the bears away. We were not as ambitious. He had mountain man hair and a bit of a beard with a grey soul patch, and was only a few inches taller than me. He was the go-getter of his group.
“G” was a bartender in his town, dark grey hair, and of a more chill personality. Can’t ever imagine the guy getting worked up over anything, and he was hilarious. Quite obviously a people reader, and able to have a good time anywhere.
“T” was the baby of his group at 43 years old. But they poked fun at him as much as mine did me. He was quieter at first but then warmed up to us, and adored the little 6 year old princess waiting at home for him. Good guy.

After some conversation, “J” offered a shot choice of either Southern Comfort or Fireball. Whiskey is my worst wing man, so I took the Fireball as well as Erika, which was nice and made of cinnamon. Bonnie had the Southern Comfort and really liked it. Through conversation with them we discovered they had brought quite a bit of alcohol. Some mickeys of tequila, southern comfort, fireball, and God knows what else. Their packs, at least “G’s” pack weighed in at 52 lbs with alcohol, and they brought things like nutella, peanut butter, and hard cheese. I was indeed jealous. Erika schemed for the rest of the week what we could trade for the cheese, but that arrangement never developed.

We said thank you and goodnight to the boys, and with headlamps on we made our way back to the tent. Back at the campfire I kept thinking something had been crawling on me, but of course everyone thought I was crazy. I lie down in my sleeping bag and instantly felt something in my hair and on my face. I sat up fast making this panicking sound saying something was on my face. I am met with disbelief once again. I turn my headlamp on, swearing there was something on me, so I lift up the end of Bonnie’s sleeping bag next to me, and the biggest, nastiest spider I have seen (besides an orb weaver) crawls out, with a fat black body and brownish-red legs. I’m screaming the words “that was on my face!” as Bonnie admits it’s a pretty big spider, and then unceremoniously kills it with my Bible.

Guess who had trouble sleeping that night?

Day 2 will be posted tomorrow  (I realized there was no way to type this journey in one post…so it will take me as long as the hike did.)

Sierra